Self confidence plays a huge part in how you live your life and how you behave in certain situations. You may feel as though you've got it together and then something happens to knock you. A careless word from someone or harsh feedback can leave you feeling really low. Comparing yourself to others can also be really damaging to your sense of self.
A lack of self confidence can make or break a situation. It can completely dismantle a goal and leave you feeling stressed, frustrated and angry. Sadly, your anger is often turned on other people too, which adds to your feeling of being out of control.
The bad news is that a lack of self confidence affects most people at some time in their life. The good news is that there are plenty of self help and external therapies around. You don't have to be saddled with a lack of self confidence!
How to boost your self confidence.
You may not know it but there is a remedy which is outstanding! NLP is a game changer for boosting self confidence.
NLP (neuro linguistic programming) was devised in the 1970s as an alternative to mainstream psychotherapy by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. They worked out that human experience is influenced by neurology, language and programming. This is how you see, hear, feel your eternal and internal messages and how you interpret and respond to them.
Firstly try these questions (and don't overthink them!)
- When did you first notice a dip in your sense of self confidence?
Life events can build or break confidence very quickly.
- Has a single event contributed to you feeling this?
Maybe you felt ok and then you believe someone said or did something to kick your self confidence
- Has your general behaviour changed?
Eg. avoiding certain situations or groups of people.
- Have you adopted any coping mechanisms?
Drinking, hiding away, not going for that career move, eating unhealthily, sleeplessness, sleeping long hours
- Do you act differently with anyone specific?
Putting on a front is really common.
- Do you think people are acting differently with you?
Feeling unsure around certain people can lead you to believe they are acting inauthentically.
- Have you noticed any recurring negative thoughts?
Negative thoughts can get caught on a mind loop of rinse and repeat.
- How do you feel you fit in with your current social circle?
Friends and family can unintentionally feed into our fears.
- Are you noticing a change in your work dynamics?
Work can be seen as a safe place or one of insecurity and uncertainty of your worth.
- How do you usually react to criticism or feedback?
Feedback can be difficult to swallow and can deplete your confidence.
- Have you tried any other remedy?
There are lots of self help interventions, however NLP is the ultimate boost for self confidence.
- How much would you like regain your sense of self?
"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
Anchor your confidence
As easy as it is to go back to situations which you feel have robbed you of your self confidence, you can recreate a situation where you felt good.
Close your eyes (optional) and bring to mind a time where you felt amazing, confident and unstoppable.
Who was there with you?
What were you wearing?
What can you see as you look around?
Can you hear anything?
How would you describe the feeling inside?
Imagine you have a superpower control and dial up the feelings until you feel ecstatic.
Hold that thought and keep with it.
Now wrap your finger and thumb around your other wrist. or touch one of your knuckles. This will be your anchor.
Each time you feel your confidence slipping, just touch your anchor and bring to mind your confident you. It takes practice but the rewards are worthwhile.
Challenge your limiting beliefs
Beneath a lack of self confidence is a negative belief about yourself. This belief will have been planted may years ago, probably in childhood. Once we root this out, your self confidence can grow. The tricky part can be that you may not consciously recall when you first believed your negative belief. It's worth having a go, so let's try!
if your self confidence takes a dip when you are in a group of strangers. Ask yourself:
What was I feeling about myself when this happened?
Who or what was I trying to measure up to?
What messaging was I getting back from the person or people?
Where exactly did this messaging come from, or was it internal?
Write down how you're feeling at this moment and now pick it apart.
Ask yourself "How and when exactly did I decide I'm not confident?"
Once you've written everything down, look at it objectively and see what truth is there. Were you actually told this limiting belief, or did you construct it? How many times has this belief been challenged?
Think of every single time where you didn't really believe this belief, but accepted it out of habit? It's as easy to think good of yourself as to think less than good about yourself.
"A belief isnt truth its simply a belief"
Increase your competence
You probably don't feel a lack of confidence when you're making a cup of coffee or cleaning your teeth! Things you do as habit become firmly ingrained in your unconscious mind. It is when you are aware of doing something new, or being among new company that you start to lose confidence.
There are some techniques which will help you to increase your competence, therefore increasing your confidence.
- Make sure you've set achievable goals. Your self confidence needs to be fed not defeated!
- Educate yourself. If you don't know something, learn. This has a real positive impact on self confidence.
- Practice what you know. The unconscious mind needs constant repetition to install habits, good or bad.
- Ask people you trust for feedback. Accepting and using feedback is useful in your confidence boosting journey.
- Celebrate your wins. It's easy to dampen your achievements, but this sends out the wrong message to your unconscious mind.
- Setting affirmations and repeating them out loud can bring a surge in self confidence.
- Wearing an invisible label reminds you of all of the benefits. Choosing who you want to be is the ultimate control dial up for self confidence.