How did I go from being washed up and over the hill to the beautiful life I live today?

Working with mature, emotionally sensitive women, requires them placing a lot of trust in me. So, in the spirit of sharing, here is a bit about me and my story. 

I live in rural Dorset with my soulmate husband Alan and our two dogs. We have 5 grown up children and 7 grandchildren between us. We are renovating an old house so downtime is fairly limited, although we love walking. 

Life is pretty idyllic although it wasn’t always like this. In fact, it was a very long way from idyllic. 

I had come out of a long and difficult relationship, which started with me leaving a comfortable stable home aged 18 to live with my husband and our two babies in a rundown shared house. 

He was a gambling addict and I identified as a victim. There were protracted bouts of domestic violence and gas lighting.

When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I decided that I didn’t have the courage to leave. When he passed away I felt a weird mix of desperate sadness, relief, resentment and guilt. I felt my life had been hijacked by my unhelpful choices and it had all been pointless. 

After the funeral I remember sitting alone in my kitchen with my head in my hands. I was quickly coming to the realisation that my legacy from this relationship was one of deep debt and the likelihood of everything I had worked so hard to keep.

I was trapped by my belief that I wasn't good enough to get out of this bad place.  

Outwardly I was in control with a good career. I headed a large sales team and had always just about kept a roof over our heads.

Despite raising my kids and holding down a successful career, I was now at a standstill with nowhere to turn and feeling desperate.

I dared not share any of the negative stuff I was experiencing. This would show an out of control version of me. 

In fact the driving thought which had run through my life was, what will people think of me? 

I realised that every decision I was making had everyone else at the centre of it, never what was good for me. 

My external image was one of cool aloofness, capability, strength  and dedication. What a great job I’d done in hiding all of the dark stuff. 

My inner me was, in fact, very dark very broken and washed up. I had run out of steam and had nothing left in reserve. I felt I’d wasted my life and was too old to change anything. 

However, what an amazing life lay ahead! 

I met an NLP (neuro linguistic programme) life coach who asked “How do you want to be?” I replied “It can’t be this simple, can it?”

Indeed it was so simple that the whole of my life turned on its axis and took a direction I could only have dreamed of.

After telling my story, I realised that you have to own your decisions. This can be challenging and there were lots of tears in the first meeting with my life coach. As we worked through all of the stuff holding me back, the fundamental principle of NLP came through. 

You cannot go back and change anything, you can however change your relationship to the bad stuff and you can then move on. 

I changed my thinking around the bad stuff and created the mindset to move on. 

Today I am living the best life with my brilliant husband. I learned to live by my own choices and am driven by a deep set of core values. Debt free feels pretty good too. 

When I'm asked “it can’t be this simple can it?” The answer is “Yes! Absolutely, it is simple and you absolutely live your life your way.” 

accredited master in NLP coaching, Hypnotherapy and Time Line Therapy®️

ACCPH Fellow